A Message

by Anne Wennhold

The Vermont sunshine blanketed me with its golden warmth as I climbed onto the sandy bank of the swimming hole. Glorious day! I shook my head flinging water drops into the still air. Reaching for the towel I saw a small transparent spiral curled up in the grass. As the rays of the sun touched its surface it brought out a translucent glow that revealed a small snakeskin perfect from head to tail. It must have belonged to a young garter snake completing its yearly growth. A message?

Alerted by my Native American teachers to be aware of information relayed from the universe through nature’s beings large and small, I wondered if this could be just such a notice. After all, I had just completed my first experience co-facilitating a Choosing Conscious Elderhood retreat! Something I had wanted to do ever since retiring and attending my first retreat nearly 20 years ago. Message or not, I decided to act as if the universe actually did send this snakeskin as confirmation of time to move into the work I desired. Carefully I wrapped up the snakeskin to take home and place on my altar.

Message received!

For the next eighteen years I was honored to facilitate retreats with Ron Pevny, director and creator of the Choosing Conscious Elderhood program. From Ron I learned the micro management of time, place, content, process and, more importantly, the nuances of flow learned only in the act of doing: things never taught in the classroom or found in a book.

And Magic happened! Based on Ron’s carefully crafted framework, my own spiritual path was deepened and integrated even as I worked with nature, the spirits and human beings: actually because I got to work with them all! Bringing my own spiritual tools of ritual and ceremony learned from Shamanic and Native American teachers and combining them with Ron’s spiritual format, we constructed an atmosphere of safety within which all participants could open their minds and hearts to the work at hand.

One such ritual was to go outside early in the morning and drum a welcome to the sun as it rose over the mountains in New Mexico: a daily task as satisfactory as greeting a loved one home after a long absence. After breakfast there was the ritual of drumming and lighting sage leaves, cleansing ourselves with their burning fragrance and inviting all supportive spirits to join us in our work for the day.

Rituals such as these are a repeated action or activity. Ceremony on the other hand tends to be a more specific celebration of one kind or another. For me, the Fire Ceremony is a bright/dark heat shaped by the Spirit of Fire leaping to the thunder of the beating drum and answering the call to be of assistance in transformation: always a mesmerizing event. Often a fire ceremony is held to mark a time of ‘letting go’: a celebration of releasing something that no longer serves one’s life purpose. That could be anything from an obsession with sweets, to a habit of judging others, to lingering resentments of others or parts of oneself, to a role or self-identification that no longer fits. Opening to the nature of Fire can be cleansing, healing or an announcement of the completion of a time or a job.

In addition to the gifts nature provides and the spiritual help that surrounded us, some of the best teachings I received through those years of spiritual feasting came from individuals who attended the retreats, either alone, in couples or small groups: teachers, writers, healers, ministers and workers in all professions, each intent on conscious growth as they aged. We learned from each other’s stories of persistence, of doubt, illnesses, forgiveness, and strength and even as we witnessed each other’s truths, we were changed. And we grew!

Three years ago as I retired from those mystical eighteen years as a facilitator in the CCE retreats, it was clear that it was time to let that work go. My body no longer had the energy or inclination for travel or managing weeklong events.

Shortly after that retirement, while I was visiting with friends, I was asked to conduct a Fire Ceremony for them. Standing in the north, the place of the elders, of wisdom and transition, I realized I was there not just to conduct the ceremony for others as I had done for years, but that I now needed this Fire Ceremony to celebrate my own letting go of the work I loved. As our drums sounded and the Spirit of Fire danced, I felt cocooned in a timeless peace. It stole over me like a benediction sealing the release of the past and slowly opening into the spaciousness of whatever was to come.

Still later when I returned home and looked at the snakeskin lying on the altar, I saw it had disintegrated into minute particles lying, crystalline and sunlit, in the outline of the young snake it had clothed.

Message received!

As we so often said after our sharing circles on our retreats:

I have spoken my Truth, I have been witnessed and I am forever changed.

The Way of the CreativeSage

Consciously Journeying from Wonder to Wisdom

by Elsie Wood

The Way of The CreativeSage evolved from my personal creative and spiritual journey and the desire to share the benefits of walking that path. The Way of the CreativeSage meshes the disciplines of gerontology, creativity and spiritual wisdom. It is a path of growth for a positive, compassionate, conscious, meaningful and purposeful life. It is an integration of the fundamental principles of creativity, ageing, and sageing to guide and inform us. It is founded on tenets and core values from diverse spiritual traditions. Awe, beauty, truth, and love are compass points on a CreativeSage’s journey. It is grounded in individual personal strengths and skills and celebrates the magnificence within.

Regardless of where you are on life’s journey, you are a CreativeSage! Yes, you are creative. Yes, you are ageing. And yes, you become wiser with each day’s experiences and practices.

Ageing is a given like death and taxes. It is a process not only for those in the later years, but it is the process begun with the first drawn breath.

In A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens posits the theme of duality: the best of times/the worst of times; hope/despair; wisdom/foolishness; light/dark. Those contrasting concepts are aptly applied to reflections on ageing. Continuing that litany are chaos/clarity; fast/slow; fear/courage; uncertainty/peace; loss/abundance; sorrow/joy; longevity/quality of life. These oppositions and many others provide the substructure of our choices on how we live our life as we age.

Regardless of age, there is a basic desire, hope and dream to have needs met, to live well, and be content. Yet often we are our own worst enemy. We stand in our own way. Feelings of discomfort arise when self-reflection and introspection take us down rabbit holes we would rather not visit. Unpleasant memories may surface and self-doubt inches in under our skin. How comforting to read Brené Brown’s words, ” … to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” That aliveness is invigorated through our resiliency and our personal attitude.

Where do we find the courage when the woes and challenges of ageing diminish the resolve to live fully? That’s where the CreativeSage steps in.

Creativity is the process providing the wind beneath our wings. It gives the wherewithal to take flights of fancy, sparks the imagination and gives voice to life’s endeavors. The Way of the CreativeSage is based on the solid belief that we are all creative. It is an innate gift from Spirit (or whatever name you give to the divine). It is like the gift of language. It’s there. To dispel disbelief and counter claims of not being creative because you are not an artist, can’t draw, etc.

It is not solely in an artist’s wheelhouse but also in cooks’, scientists’, gardeners’, carpenters’, everyone’s skillset. Through the lens of the creative imagination, a window into the inner psyche reveals secrets, fears, barriers and long held limiting beliefs paving a way for release and transformation. A path from wonder to wisdom forges a connection with the Creative Spirit to become a CreativeSage.

A deep and profound connection to spirit is fundamental. Wisdom comes from diverse spiritual traditions. And wisdom rests within each of us. It is our task to discover and explore ways of being so that every day we become a better version of ourselves

The gems from a life well lived provide the brilliance in the ripples circling out at the close of one’s life, a legacy left to be honored and celebrated, a wisdom to be cherished. It becomes a precious gift to family, friends, and the community at large.

It is very sobering to read about the passing of one’s contemporaries. Whether in the 20’s, 50’s or 90’s, it becomes a wake-up call. A time to stop, reflect and ask once again the now often quoted queries by Mary Oliver,

“Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

You are in the driver’s seat. It’s never too late for new starts, new beginnings. I find value in working with six Portals of Passion and Purpose which serve as way stations of intention and practice to facilitate the journey of self-discovery, illumination and joy. These six practices, Pause, Pray, Ponder, Prepare, Play and Praise, capitalize on one’s inner spirit, and strength to live fully, creatively, and gracefully, finding balance between being and doing.

PAUSE PORTAL – Into the Quiet – Presence with Breath Let go. Here Now.

A most precious gift to give oneself. Time to decompress and get centered and grounded, capitalizing on the beneficial practice of deep breathing. It is a clearing of thoughts, allows calm and the refreshing feeling of nothingness.

PRAY PORTAL – Blessings & Spiritual Practices

Prayer is an acknowledgement and appeal for guidance and assistance. It effectively puts us in tune with our divine essence. Stopping throughout the day with short, quick, impromptu, spontaneous, improvised utterances that come from the heart, like “Thank you for this day,’ or “Please show me the way.” to faith-based formal, structured words to facilitate mind-shifts. Other forms include: conscious, mindful meditation; creative visualization; lectio divina; music/sound meditation.

PONDER PORTAL: The Empty Dark, Living in the Question

Answers don’t arrive if you’re afraid
of sitting in the empty dark room of not knowing, by yourself, long enough for them to arrive on their own schedule. —Michael Thelen

This practice uses the power of an open question. Asking “What if?”, “Why not?”. and “I wonder if I …” is a delightful kickstart to the appreciative inquiry process. It’s about laying out options for what is to come: illuminations from a place of wonder and awe, wool-gathering and ruminating on what could happen, what you bring to the table and trusting the process. Your story is front and center.

PREPARE PORTAL: Finding Strengths, Skills, and Resources

We bring to CreativeSaging: Years of life experience; Skill Set; Education; and Multiple Intelligences: intellectual, emotional, personal, social, conversational, creative, visual, and spiritual. You are ready. Gathering resources for your creative expression is fun-filled and magical.

PLAY PORTAL: Give Yourself Permission, Action with Awe-titude

Engaging in creative endeavors is the firing up of energy. It stimulates and activates the imagination. It gives form to creative impulses and increases one’s confidence and courage. Quirky, serious, humorous, and/or experimental play produces life-affirming smiles. The CreativeSage sees play as a basic need: nurturing the mind, body, and spirit. It is your story in a novel, uplifting form of your essence in a unique and awesome way.

PRAISE PORTAL: A Celebration of YOU!

You are a CreativeSage! You have the courage to face life head-on, being and doing whatever it takes to fully embrace living. Celebrate yourself. Now it is your turn for self-praise. It is not done often enough. It does not come from an egotistical or arrogant attitude but rather from a deep sense of accomplishment from engaging in the magic and mystery of being and doing and living fully.

The CreativeSage is one who strives to balance the demands of life with the imaginative spirit of the creative, a positive conscious attitude to age well, and the wisdom to embrace the essential.

Live your essence magnificently.
 To be extraordinarily ordinary  To be perfectly imperfect
 To be gracefully ungraceful  To be authentically true
 To be gratefully humble
 To be peacefully joyous
 To BE YOU!

Elsie Wood is a .Mentor, Muse, Maven, Maverick, Mystic, and Seeker, Life-long Learner, Creative, and Visionay. She is passionate about sharing strategies, techniques, and practices to gain mastery in the Art of Living consciously and creatively, boldly embracing a well-lived life. She has a Master of Education in Creative Arts in Learning from Lesley University and Creative Ageing Facilitator and Creative Depth Coach training. For more information about CreativeSage Circles or CreativeSage Coaching, Elsie can be reached at elsiewood@msn.com

Beyond the Ordinary: Journaling as a Tool in the Process of Conscious Eldering

By Jan Flynn

I got my first journal as a present from “Santa” when I was nine years old. It was a small pink leatherette book with the words “Dear Diary” in gold script emblazoned just above a small gold lock with a tiny key. As I started writing that first night, I knew I had discovered something amazing. I wrote about my day, about how much I disliked having a baby sister, and about how I wished to be an only child again. I didn’t know about introspection or therapy. I just knew that writing it down made me feel better and that locking those thoughts away gave me a special feeling of control. I’ve been journaling ever since.

Somewhere along the way I came across a definition for a “journal” that I like. A journal is simply a personal record of occurrences, experiences, thoughts, and reflections kept on a regular basis for the purpose of creating a meaningful connection with yourself. I like the idea that the verb form…to journal…is the act of me making a mindful connection to myself.

Why Journal As We Age?

Consistent and introspective writing can be an important addition to the “toolkit” of those things that add significantly to our experience of becoming a Conscious Elder.

First, science tells us that journaling is good for our mental and physical health. American psychologist James Pennebaker has studied the impact and benefits of journaling. Identifying emotions, capturing our feelings about both positive and negative events, and simply chronicling our day-to-day experiences helps to promote better mental health. Journaling also promotes mindfulness. The process of introspection helps us stay more grounded in the present. Awareness of, labeling of, and writing about our innermost feelings provides a way to cleanse, let go, and move on, particularly in terms of releasing negative emotions.

Journaling can increase your positive outlook which can help to reduce stress and aid in staving off depression, both of which lead to better physical health. Researcher Robert Eammons found that simply writing about the good things you experience, gratitude journaling, helps you have a more balanced and holistic view of your life. Expressing gratitude also has a positive impact on better sleep and on helping your immune system.

The consistent practice of journaling also provides a way to remember, all the more important as we age. When we journal, we capture the moments, the impressions, the people, and the thoughts important to us at the time. It’s there, captured so that I don’t lose experience to the uncertainty of memory. These “archives” can play an important role in life review. Looking back on journal entries from years ago, I always amaze myself at what I learn and am so thankful that I have a record of times and memories I’ve forgotten.

Journaling can help with the all important process of forgiveness. The privacy of a journal provides a safe space to chronicle the who, what, how, and why of those we need to forgive and those from whom we need to seek forgiveness. Writing openly, deeply, frankly, and honestly about the person, the events, the outcomes, and the emotions of forgiveness can help with the clarity needed to engage in the process of forgiving, and of being forgiven.

It is said that the wise Sage travels light. Private and introspective writing can bring an important dimension to the process of letting go. Ask yourself questions like :

  • What am I holding on to that gets in my way?
  • What parts of my younger self do I need to let go of?
  • What am I getting out of holding on?
  • What do I need to do to let go?

Answer them honestly and let your mind go where it will. Again, writing about it in an open and honest way helps to gain clarity.

What I’ve Learned From Years of Journaling

I realize in writing this that I’ve been keeping some kind of journal for almost seventy years. Here’s a random assortment of lessons I’ve learned along the way:

  • Journaling takes commitment, yet when I let it become a chore, I don’t do it. Consistency is key. Commit to writing fifteen minutes at least four days a week. Pick a time that works for you. My morning ritual is my coffee, my cat on my lap, and my journal.
  • Don’t worry about your writing. There are no rules and no right way to do this. Journaling is the place for fragmented thoughts, incomplete sentences, run on sentences, bad grammar, choice curse words, and even doodles. Remember that you’re writing is there for your personal reflection and for yourself alone.
  • Consider journaling each day as a kind of meditation. It’s time to slow down, sit still, breathe, and focus. In Tanzania, I learned the Swahili words “pole’ pole’ (po-lay, po- lay)”…slowly, slowly. It’s the way of life there. Let journaling be your pole’ pole’ time.
  • Simply begin by writing about what’s happened in your life and how you’re feeling about it. Know that we often remember events, places, and people without remembering our reactions to them. Capturing your feelings is an important aspect of remembering.
  • Be honest with yourself. Pay close attention to anything that crosses your mind. Record the joy and the wonder, and don’t be afraid to let the negativity flow if that’s what comes up. Learn to not censor your thoughts.
  • Treat yourself to a good journal and find what works for you. I love beautiful smaller- sized journals with lined pages for my day-to-day work. Two brands that I like are journals from Peter Pauper Press and from Paperblanks. If you like a larger, notebook- sized journal, try the ones from Dingbats or from Moleskin. All are available on Amazon.
  • Find a pen that works for you. There’s nothing worse for me than trying to let my thoughts flow when my pen won’t. My current favorite pen is the Pilot Precise Varsity. Again, Amazon. It’s an old school fountain pen, but disposable. I love it!
  • Capture your dreams! Dreams can tell us a lot about our subconscious minds, not to mention how much rereading a dream from the past can make us laugh. When we talk about our dreams, we usually recount them is visual images, much like scenes from a movie. Try capturing your dreams this way. Put each scene in a “thought bubble” and connect the bubbles with arrows. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Journaling can provide a rich and rewarding experience when done with consistency, mindful attention, and persistence. It provides us with the opportunity to look back with a degree of accuracy that memory does not always assure. It helps with our growth process in becoming Conscious Elders. Through journaling, we can revisit who we were, focus on who we are now, and more clearly think with intention about who want to become. It’s a powerful tool to add to the kit of those things that can help us age well. Happy writing!

Among other things, Jan Flynn, Ph.D., is a mother, a grandmother, an avid traveler, a cattle drive cook, and a certified Bar B Que judge. For the past 15 years, her academic and consulting work has focused on transition from one generation to the next in family businesses. Seeing her older clients struggle with letting go and moving on to the next phase of their lives, she began to explore the work of ageing, particularly as it relates to embracing growing older with grace and purpose. This led her to become a Certified Sageing Leader with Sageing International and to work to become a retreat guide with the Center for Conscious Eldering. She can be reached through email at jan.flynn@bellsouth.net.

Who Am I Now?

By Peter Gibb

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.”
– Albert Einstein

What Appeared to be Happening:

Boxes and packing tape cluttered every room; furniture piled high in the garage; dumpsters popped up in the driveway; real estate agents nodded and departed. Wendy and I were moving to a retirement community.

I knew I was leaving a physical house behind. More importantly, but less obvious, was that I was leaving a self behind, my self. Career, family, home, friends – my known world – disappeared like the mental mirage it had been. My decades-long achievement-oriented self surrendered to a new … a new what?

What was really happening:

I woke up to THE question, “Who am I now?”

No notice was pinned on the door, but I was entering a new phase of life, commonly referred to as “getting old.” But I didn’t want to get old. So I resisted.

At the retirement center, I made friends and got involved in activities. I filled up my time. Wendy had been diagnosed with Advanced Alzheimers, so I was also a full-time caregiver. I crawled into bed at night, exhausted and numb. Was this what I had worked so hard for? I pondered. I’ve raised a family, been reasonably successful professionally, contributed to a good marriage, built enough wealth to retire moderately. Something was missing. Who am I now? A blinding flash of the obvious cracked me open like a nouveau Humpty Dumpty: life was no longer about proving anything. It was time to focus on what feeds my soul. Less about convincing others, more about listening, to them and to myself. Less about doing, more about being. Time to take stock.

A New Path Emerges:

Happy day! It dawned on me: this is my chance to age gracefully. My only chance. I want to live fully, keep growing, express myself, and connect with others. How best to do this? At the retirement center, I was surrounded by fellow agers, some aging gracefully, some less so. Those in Group B shuffled around as if aging were a downward spiral, one way traffic, headed to the dreaded “D” word. Group B saw themselves as victims. They despaired of hope and spent their time and energy moaning about their unfair loss of physical and mental functioning. Group A, by contrast, many of them with equally serious cognitive or physical challenges, viewed the aging process as an opportunity to live, grow, connect, and serve. They acknowledged the impending

loss of function, but they held hope high, saw aging as a path still full of surprises, changing relationships and insights, an opportunity for continued joy and growth.

I sign up for Group A. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I am here for life. I mean “life!” – until the end: a full life of joy and love, of exploration and discovery. I intend to make my years of aging, however many or few they may be, into a pathway of growth, to expand my awareness, to learn from those around me, and to play like a child surrounded by new toys, so that when the time comes to say goodbye, I will be well used up and ready to go. I will live with an attitude of gratitude.

What I Notice:

When I open my heart wide, I am at my best. If I live each day for love, I will be ready when the time comes to say goodbye. I have ups and downs, but my life is grounded in purpose and a sense of connection. I don’t view aging as something to fight. Aging is part of the miraculous gift of life. Every day is an opportunity for growth, love, and exploration. I live with an attitude of gratitude.

Not to deny that there are big challenges too. I worry about finances. Wendy has moved into Memory Care, very expensive. My joints ache. I have a hard time remembering names. I get up often to pee in the night, then can’t get back to sleep. I sometimes hear voices that aren’t there, too often miss voices that are. My energy is not what it once was. I have to learn how to let go.

My new orientation is less about fear and doubt and more about flow; less about getting somewhere and more about being here, now; less about satisfying the ego, more about strengthening the connection to my soul. I am a wheel, and this awareness is the hub. The wheel must turn, cover rocky ground, not get stuck in the mud.

So, how specifically should I take my wheel on the road?

Curiosity, Compassion and Letting Go

I pay attention to my friends in Group A. The ones I admire most have learned to let go, to practice curiosity and compassion.

Curious people thrive on listening well and asking simple, naive questions. Curiosity creates an aura of wisdom, but Group A may not be any wiser than others. They are simply curious. Group B’ers are so busy giving unwanted advice and telling their own stories, they don’t have time to listen. Listening with curiosity means listening with the ears of the heart, listening for thoughts and feelings, both spoken and unspoken. I’m unsure whether listening gives rise to compassion or results from it. Perhaps both.

Curious people don’t waste time trying to convince others of their superiority. Rather than giving unwanted advice, they open the way to exploration and discovery. They are a window, not a wall. Curious people say things like, “I wonder …” and “What if …”. Or “How did you feel about that?” And “What else have you considered?”

Curiosity is my doorway to wonder. But challenges persist. Loss, fear, and frustration knock at my door. I try to welcome them. I practice mindful breathing. Breathe in, accept; breathe out, let it go. Breathe in; breathe out. Accept, Let go. Accept, Let go. Mindful breathing requires intention and practice. Graceful aging has a lot to do with letting go.

Curiosity and Love go together like the ocean and the beach. Both spring naturally from an open heart. Curiosity washes across me like waves, creating a soft, sandy beach. That beach, the product of my open heart, guides me to love both myself and others. When I open my heart to be more curious about someone, almost invariably I end up caring more for them. I reveal more of myself. I recognize my own foibles in another. I learn about me, about you, about us. I grow and discover what feeds my soul. Curiosity and love, joined at the hip – perhaps that’s wisdom!?

Aging Gracefully

And so I emerge as a new self, an aging being, a loving being, one who is growing and expressing myself more fully, and more open-heartedly. Waves wash away my resistance. Fears, when they appear, are less ferocious; faith is solid. There are challenges, but I am strong. I am curious and I am compassionate, opening my heart, learning to let go. I am human. I am whole.

I am aging, gracefully, lovingly, on purpose. That’s my plan. What’s yours?

Peter Gibb is the author of two books, King of Doubt and Mindful Conversation. He is currently working on a new offering, Love: Never too Late. Reach him at pgibb@ashlandhome.net

Befriending Our Aging Bodies

by Shanti Mayberry

May your body be blessed.
May you realize that your body is a faithful and beautiful friend of your soul.

—John O’Donohue

Our body is our very best friend whether or not we realize this truth. Like a faithful servant, our body has taken us wherever we wanted to go and sheltered our soul through all the storms of life. It is our dearest companion to the end. Yet we are conditioned to ignore the body’s somatic intelligence and signals of exhaustion and stress in our speed-driven materialist culture that worships cognitive thinking and excessive productivity. But as we age it is vitally important that we heal this mind-body split and lovingly access our body’s wisdom and instinctive healing power in order to restore and maintain our health.

I’ve found that there are three primary steps to befriending our aging bodies and repairing this disconnection between cognitive and somatic (body-centered) awareness. The first is to honor the sacredness of the human body, rather than to regard it as inferior to the thinking mind, an archaic cultural legacy from Rene Descarte’s seventeenth century dictum “I think, therefore I am.”

By contrast, in the Buddhist view the body is considered to be the ‘hard-to-attain’ vehicle of liberation, and human incarnation is seen as a rare gift. For this reason, the Dalai Lama often praises his mother and all women for the great compassionate act of giving birth and hence providing the child with the possibility of enlightenment. So no matter the gender, color, size or shape of our body, we can regard it as a sacred gift and care for it as the temple of spirit.

Secondly, the practice of slowing down and paying attention to what our bodies are trying to convey is essential for healthy sage-aging. Befriending our body means listening and tending to it with compassion as we would to a close friend. We need patience and commitment to cultivate any loving relationship, but especially with our bodies. Here are a few ways we can deepen a sense of valuing and coming home to our body.

  • Become acquainted with the placement and functioning of your internal organ systems.
  • Cultivate inner body awareness of sensations, feelings and energy.
  • Feel how your body is part of Mother Nature’s larger body.
  • Practice a body scan, which is most easily done lying down in a comfortable and cozyposition. As you progressively relax, thank each part of your body, starting with the

    feet and slowly moving up to the head.

  • Learn its language, which may come in the form of pain signals, chronic tensions,anxieties, imbalance or beginnings of illness.

The third step is to turn towards the felt areas of physical or emotional discomfort with kindness and attentive inquiry. This step is the most difficult since we instinctively want to avoid pain, suppress it with pills or override it with distractions or addictive behaviors. Often these distressed areas are places in need of attention and may reveal hidden childhood wounds and suppressed emotions that can heal if accepted and embraced with compassionate awareness. And as Ron Pevny states in his book, Conscious Living, Conscious Aging, the older we get, the less able we are to suppress these trapped emotions. We simply don’t have the energy to keep them pushed down and defended with ego strategies.

Although it’s not possible in this short article to discuss the complexities of trauma healing and recovery, please know that we have all been traumatized and there is no shame in having embedded pain. Many of us did not receive the nurturing or mirroring from caretakers that we needed as infants, young children or teenagers and we coped by creating strategies to survive. These buried wounds are behind many diseases from cancers to auto-immune ailments, according to Dr. Gabor Mate in the book When the Body Says No. They must be compassionately addressed for healing to happen.

Courage, support and understanding are necessary to allow these earlier woundings to surface, but the reward for doing so is great since the frozen energy in the trauma will flow freely again in your system as it releases. And who doesn’t want more energy? That’s the main currency of aging and by doing this inner work your vitality will increase.

One way to gently address the wound is to place your hand on the area where you feel it is held and direct kind attention there, creating a sense of spaciousness around the painful contraction. You could then say something to the body like, “I’m here for you dear, you’re not alone, tell me what you need”, or “it’s going to be okay.” Just that reassurance from your adult self to the younger hurt aspects in your body can generate a sense of internal safety and support and open a communication channel between the cognitive and somatic minds.

By accepting the hurt, allowing it to be seen and receiving its message with kindness, you are opening the space to heal. Sometimes just witnessing the stored pain is sufficient to release it. Occasionally, emotional catharsis or spontaneous movement may be needed, which is why it’s advised to do such deep release work with a therapist or close friend who can offer external comfort, guidance and safety.

I offer my case as an example of how honoring the pain and regarding it as a messenger works to transform it. As a yoga and T’ai Chi instructor, I’ve always been active, fairly fit and flexible, but late one night just after I turned seventy, I slipped on my wooden stairway during a rain storm when I was rushing downstairs. The pain was excruciating, more intense than anything I’d ever experienced. On a scale of 1-10, it was a 20. This spinal and sciatica pain continued for over a year, making it difficult to walk or exercise.

My physical therapist couldn’t suggest much beyond a few therapeutic exercises, except for surgery and shots, telling me I wouldn’t be able to walk or stand for long without an operation. However, I made the choice to trust my body’s innate healing power and forego any surgical intervention.

Instead, I engaged in compassionate dialogue with my back and leg pain and was receptive to any messages from that area. As a result, I was able to release some traumatic memories stored in my back that gradually surfaced. I was also guided to do a series of slow mindful movements which unwound tensions and released blocked energy. The more I accepted and worked with the pain as a teacher, instead of fighting it, the more the pain decreased because it was being seen and heard. As Rumi said, “The cure is in the pain.” A year later I was quite free of pain and could walk and stand easily, which was an amazing testimony to the power of mindful inquiry and self-kindness.

Learning to treat our body as our dearest and closest friend makes the aging process easier. By directing loving awareness and deep listening towards our bodies, we come home to ourselves, allow healing and integration to happen and grow more fully embodied in the here and now. We realize that our body is indeed wise and self-healing and that our human incarnation is truly a precious gift.

Shanti Mayberry HHP, Ph.D., is a Sage Aging mentor, Holistic Health consultant, Somatic Ecotherapist, depth Ecopsychologist and trauma-informed meditation and movement teacher. Co-founder of the integrative health center, Inner Balance Health Group, she works with clients and groups at her office and online. You can contact her at doc.shanti@yahoo.com

Recognition Rites Honoring Elders

by Tom Pinkson

Some ten years ago I created a process that shifts attitudes about aging and older people to a position of respect and reverence—to a position that mature cultures throughout history have demonstrated by how they valued and had important roles for their elders. While I am no longer offering this program, I am writing about it here in the hopes that it will serve as a model for readers to emulate in your communities. This program offered a unique blend of ancient and contemporary knowledge that is the result of my fifty years of work bridging cultures, traditions, belief systems and peoples. Recognition Rites offers hope and a call to action in a most timely and necessary manner. It is a program that works authentically, integrally and skillfully with the challenges and opportunities for conscious renewal on the Journey of Aging.

Lee’s Story

Lee is a 76 year-old retired engineer, inventor and sailor who went through a Recognition Rite. When he began the program Lee was in deep depression, troubled by his failing body and memory loss. His former prowess and highly developed ability to do, to problem-solve, from which he had derived a lifetime of status, accomplishment, and self-esteem – were no longer working.

The Recognition Rites program led Lee through a workbook series of reflective questions reviewing his life, exploring its crucial turning points, his guiding values, beliefs, goals, coping strategies (especially his spiritual ones), as well as relationship with himself and with his significant others. Through this new perceptual lens he was able to glean previously hidden wisdom-teachings from his life experience. This enabled him to cross a transition bridge from his previous means of deriving self esteem and self worth – his various successful “doings”, the loss of which fed his depression and despair—to seeing that he now carried worthy gifts that derived from his “being”, his essence. Gifts such as patience, tolerance, faith, love, kindness, compassion, generosity, caring, courage and grace.

Realizing that he could offer his “Being-mode” gifts to others in meaningful ways gave Lee a new sense of purpose, identity and self-worth in realizing that he had a new and vital contributing role to play despite his limited physical mobility and memory difficulties. He went from feeling like a washed up, non-contributing old man, to a respected elder with purpose and meaning, available to share wisdom and resources with younger generations.

Lee then began to prepare for the second part of the Rites program – a gathering of family and friends invited to a Recognition Event to honor Lee, at which they would have opportunity to share how knowing him had impacted their life. It was explained to Lee that the event would also serve as a rite of passage leaving behind his old sense of self and stepping into his new identity as a contributing wisdom elder. Thus he needed to come up with a dramatic way – a poem, a song, a ritual, an experience he would take people through, to get his message across. Something that took him out of his comfort zone, testing his ability to bring it off. Every rite of passage has a test and this was to be Lee’s.

Close to ninety people from various communities and time frames of his Lee’s life gathered together at the big event. Lee began by welcoming people and sharing significant aspects of his life journey, then heard tender, humorous and touching Lee stories as people came forward to share their experiences of knowing him.

The second part of the evening Lee stepped forward to acknowledge his losses, then proudly take ownership of his gifts and put forth his vision for his future. He led everyone in a drumming ritual, then gave a heart-felt blessing prayer for everyone’s well-being. He pushed through his comfort zone announcing that he was now available to be called on whenever anyone was going through a rough time and needed a supportive prayer or blessing. This was the gift Lee had to offer that shifted him from feeling worthless to positive feelings of worth and purpose serving others.

He shared his epitaph, crafted into a song whose closing refrain acknowledged the essence of Lee’s growth through the Recognition Rite process – “No longer needing to be somebody, now I can just be me!” Everyone joined hands to sing the song in a closing ceremony which turned into a standing ovation for Lee.

Lee was a new person. No longer a suffering, depressed old man, he was now a publicly affirmed wisdom elder, proud and happy in his new role. He’d crossed a bridge into the role of a community resource ready to serve his people. Lee wasn’t done with his life. He was just getting started! At a follow-up session examining how to build on the event experience, Lee shared his written assessment of the Recognition Rite program.

“Dear Tom: I’m holding great Gratitude for this marvelous experience. My preparation for the event was a TOTALLY EXCELLENT experience for me. I loved the process! Absolutely self- revealing, providing a fuller understanding of my personal richness. The sessions were amazing! Through them I was able to unearth, discuss and understand my journey in greater detail, understanding myself (and appreciating myself) more fully.

Lee’s wife reported – “Lee and I want you to know how much this ceremony meant to us, and all who were invited. You helped make this one of the most memorable days of our life
together. Thank you for helping Lee see how very important his “being” state is—-how much you acknowledged and appreciated his elderhood—–helping him realize the special gifts he has developed and can give to others.

People in the audience were impacted in a healing and inspirational way by the Recognition event as well. Lee’s experience enabled them to see aging and older people in a new and positive light. A seed was planted for a new vision of aging. A retired nurse reported the experience as “one of the most positive, uplifting, emotionally satisfying celebrations I have ever witnessed. I wish for this special gift to be bestowed on many more people and also for myself.”

The Recognition Rites Program helps people create rituals in alignment with their deepest core values, their sense of mission and purpose, their highest vision of who they are and why they are here, and how to best use the gift of longevity in their quest for fulfillment.

Tom Pinkson, Ph.D., is a transpersonal psychologist in private practice, coach, mentor, ceremonial retreat and vision quest leader, author, musician, sacred storyteller, keynote speaker, and shamanic initiate. He helped start the second Hospice program in the United States and worked for thirty-two years with terminally ill children and their families at the Center for Attitudinal Healing in California. He is author of Fruitful Aging: Finding the Gold in the Golden Years, and several other books. Tom can be reached at tompinkson@gmail.com.

Eldering: The Moonlight Years

By Nancy Hemesath

During this time of year when darkness takes a larger proportion of our days, I find myself wanting to skip the winter months and get right into spring. It is a good thing I do not have the power and means to make this happen! Winter has its own importance to give life. Without it my life and all of nature would be diminished. This is true both literally and figuratively.

Light and darkness are complementary, the yin and yang of life. Light would have no meaning without darkness and vice-versa. The balance creates wholeness. Nature demonstrates this as the trees through their roots bulk up on the soil’s nutrients and water during the winter months so they will have enough energy to grow buds and leaves in the spring. Hibernation of some animals is another example of nature’s way of enabling survival and wholeness. Bears reduce body temperature, heart rate, breathing and consciousness in order to survive the harsh winter conditions and lack of food. It is their annual rest period.

We humans mimic the pattern of hibernation by spending more time indoors with furnaces and fireplaces blazing. Physical activity is reduced, especially in the Third Chapter, and we find more sedentary ways to spend our time. The pace is less hectic and we enjoy the quiet and the solitude.

To counter my initial emotional response to winter, I reflect on the aspects I really enjoy. At this time of year, I pull out my jigsaw puzzle board and enjoy many challenging hours of assembling 1,000 piece pictures at a time. Another highlight of the winter months for me is watching basketball. I not longer attend the games in person but I schedule the times to watch them on television. It is fun to have a favorite team to follow! Maybe best of all is cuddling up with a good book when one is not tempted to go outside.

While we tend to identify winter with darkness, light is also an essential aspect of the season. Moonlight is to winter what sunlight is summer. Subconsciously or consciously, the sun promotes wakefulness, action, energy, and productivity. Moonlight, on the other hand, softens the gaze and promotes rest, gentleness, deep listening and peace. Some archetypes associate the sunlight with the masculine and the moonlight with the feminine. Of course, it is stereotypical to assume only men carry the masculine traits and women the feminine since both men and women carry both to varying degrees. There is a need for both in every whole person. The masculine or sunlight doers would be little more than workaholics without reflection. The feminine of moonlight people would reflect and rest but get little accomplished. I don’t know any person who is exclusively one or the other. As in all of nature, life only works if we have a balance of both.

Another archetype of the life cycle is the four seasons. Spring represents youth and summer is full, generative adulthood. Autumn is the time of harvest of the completed season and the slowing down of activity. Winter is the time of facing mortality as we do in our elder years.

Seeing the elder years as the moonlight years illustrates some of the importance of this time. It is not a time without light but a time to gaze upon our lives with gentleness. It is time to let go of the glare of self-reproach, regrets and judgements. Flaws disappear in the softened light of the moon. We are able to see what is significant and release the rest

It is in the moonlight that we spend time reflecting on our memories. We see what has contributed to our lives to make us who are have become. We cherish the gifts of relationships, shared experiences, family time, and enjoyable days. When regrets and old hurts emerge, we look at them without harshness but with “the eyes of kindness” for ourselves and others.

The moonlight years lend themselves to reflection on the most important life questions, such as…

Who are the people who have blessed my life? Have I told them? What highlight events have enriched my journey?
Where do I find beauty and goodness?
Have I forgiven all the old hurts and thus healed relationships? Have I forgiven myself for my shortcomings?

Who has loved me and whom have I loved?

Reviewing our lives with soft twilight or reverent candlelight prepares us to complete our lives with grace, whatever losses and sufferings we may face. The moonlight can shine through the windows of our inner lives, bringing gentle, soothing light into dark rooms.

Nancy Hemesath is retired from non-profit leadership, spending her Third Chapter as a life coach. Encore Coaching specializes in supporting people in finding meaning, purpose and joy in post-retirement years. She offers personal coaching, presentations, workshops, book studies and Wisdom Circles. She can be reached
at nanhemesath@gmail.com.

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Gratitude for My Lifetime of Spiritual Deepening

by Bob Calhoun

On my 74th birthday, I received a card and package from a life-long friend. The card read, “Dear Bob, Once upon a time we were fostered and enriched by books by Tillich, Bonhoeffer, Maslow, John O’Donohue, Phillip Newell, Frederick Buechner, David Whyte, Frost, and Richard Schwartz. They were tools of knowledge that we used when we were young. But those times have passed. We need new literature to help us deal with the new challenges we face as we age. I hereby gift to you the tools you will need going forward. Happy birthday.”

Opening the package, to my surprise, I found more than a half dozen children’s books including the titles Frog and Toad are Friends, The Rabbit Listened, Blueberries for Sal and Nobody Hugs a Cactus. I am sure my friend was clearing out books his grandchildren had ‘outgrown’, and they will be great additions to my grandchildren’s bookshelf. But the message that jumped out to me became quite clear: On this elder journey, having been blessed to still be alive, we are being called to let go, to return to the deepest parts of our true self, to what many call the great not-knowing.

Many of the great spiritual paths speak of developing the beginner’s mind or seeing like children see, where the miracle and mystery of life can be fully experienced. In this latter stage of life, we are drawn spiritually downward toward the True Self where a lifetime of gained wisdom and perspective merge with the simplicity and awe of the uncluttered child mind—where each moment, each new day is a new adventure to be cherished, waiting in anticipation of the next miracle to emerge before us. It is a path of letting go (of ego, striving, fear, self-protection) and living more in the present, aware of our connection with all things living and not living, and staying open to the gift that each moment offers…and the first words spoken each day are words of gratitude.

My spiritual work over a lifetime not only brings me ‘back home’ to a calm center, but comes as well to my aid as I enter and embrace this elder time in my life and face the many challenges of aging and embrace more fully my mortality. A deep spiritual center offers me a space in which to step back. At a cancer support group I recently attended, a line from a John Bell hymn (‘We Cannot Measure How You Heal’) was shared by a fellow group member and caught my attention: “Lord, let your Spirit meet us here…to disentangle peace from pain, and make Your broken people whole.”

Disentangle peace from pain…the pain from loss of loved ones, of abilities, of opportunities and anticipated losses to come. Disentangle peace from fear of the unknown, depression, anxiety, physical discomfort from illness My spiritual space offers a perspective of the larger view and the impermanence of my life journey. The various ‘pains’ are never eliminated but my spiritual center, my soul, is the place within where solace can be found, wisdom and loving presence can be felt and shared with others, as I continue to engage in the gift of life.

Another birthday gift I received was from my wife, a gray t-shirt with the following phrase printed on the front in large, bold, black letters: “Do The Work”. Our spiritual nature and knowing are gifts with which we were born. They have always been a deep part within me. Even though there are times over my lifetime when I have been surprised by insights and truths, moved by coincidences, taken to new places by a Something I cannot explain, I still need to “do the work’ to nurture my spiritual center, my soul, my True Self. The work is varied, from silent reflection, meditation, and writing, to long walks in the forest, sharing honestly with others…and staying open to the wisdom that comes out of my ‘dark nights of the soul’. But it is work well worth my efforts on this Elder Journey.

I end with a poem I wrote during a Conscious Eldering retreat in the desert at Ghost Ranch.

Receiver of Doubt

Spirit of the East
for the transforming power of your presence,
I am forever thankful

I entrust in you, the doubts that block my eldering journey

into your care
they are lifted by gusts
of evening wind beyond the towering red walls

I now embrace my truth and doubt myself no more: free to live and walk the Elder Journey

Bob Calhoun is a retired counseling psychologist and passionate writer of poetry about the human spirit, who lives in Fort Collins, Colorado. He can be contacted at calhonfc@aol.com.

The Journey of Conscious Aging: Reflections and Insights from an Irish Psychotherapist

by Martina Breen

One of the most significant cultural transitions around the world is the demographic shift in many counries toward an older population, with a declining birthrate and people living longer than ever before. This evolving ageing population presents both challenges and opportunities. The challenges can appear daunting, and receive much more attention than do the opportunities. In this article I write about the possibilities for personal and cultural enrichment that lie before us if we are willing to stretch our thinking and embrace an evolving new understanding of the gifts of the ageing process.

Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, author of From Age-ing to Sage-ing, poses the question of why should we live beyond the time of begetting and raising our children? He goes on to state: “ If we do live longer, then nature must have a task. There must be a purpose. The purpose is to hothouse consciousness, generation by generation; so that the older generation can transmit something to the younger.”

So, while ageing is a natural process that does indeed involve physical changes and a gradual decline in physical abilities, Eldering or Sage-ing, on the other hand, is an intentional approach to aging that involves actively seeking out opportunities for growth and transformation in life’s later chapters. It’s about getting older with intentionality, resilience, and grace. It involves not only addressing the physical and mental aspects of aging, but also the spiritual aspects such as finding meaning and purpose in the lives we have lived, as well as exploring and visioning the rich possibilities for the time we have left. Rather than viewing ageing as a period of decline and loss, it can be a time to look at it as a unique and precious opportunity for growth, wisdom, and personal transformation.

Rather than allowing ourselves to just grow old, we can make a decision in late midlife to intentionally envision and work toward a new life stage—a conscious elderhood.

This approach to healthy aging aligns with the wisdom shared in Reb Zalman’s book and Ron Pevny’s Conscious Living, Conscious Aging, along with books like Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. They each offer us profound lessons about the value of inner growth, personal transformation, and the importance of having a sense of community as we grow into our elder years.

A key message in these and many other empowering writings about ageing is that as we need to let go of being an adolescent to become an adult, likewise to become an elder we need to have completed our adulting. Elderhood is a distinct phase of life, given to us by the grace of longevity. There is a newfound freedom in embracing our age—choosing to live consciously and intentionally. By modelling conscious aging and embodying its principles in our own lives, we can inspire the people in our lives to do the same and create a more compassionate and fulfilling world for ourselves and others.

Ron’s book is a guidebook in exploring the aging process with awareness, curiosity, and purpose. He writes extensively around the personal and spiritual growth that occurs as we age and he models his own teaching in his own personal life. He says that this growth that’s available to us as we age is not necessarily a given; it requires a deliberate effort to engage with our own aging process and to cultivate qualities like self-awareness, resilience, and wisdom.

He teaches that conscious eldering involves several key practices. One is self-reflection, which involves taking time to reflect on our life experiences, our values, and our goals for the future. Another is community-building, which involves connecting with others who share our interests and values, and who can support us on our journey of growth. Another practice is commitment to service, which involves using our skills and experience to make a positive impact in our communities and the world at large.

I experienced these teachings first hand by attending Ron’s Choosing Conscious Elderhood Retreat at Ghost Ranch, New Mexico, in May of this year. Ron and co-facilitator Barbara Roth skilfully created a safe holding space for 13 elder questors. We met on a Sunday afternoon at this magnificent high desert retreat center in New Mexico and with a deepening process of exploring, reflecting and sharing, we created a community that was the lived experience of conscious eldering. In our week together, we learned experientially that when we connect with others and share our interests and our values, when we have community time and solo time, when we have ample time in nature to learn from Mother Earth, and when we connect through ritual and ceremony, we create a rich fertile ground where we meet the deeper parts of ourselves. And when we are connected to ourselves, we naturally look to see how we can serve others.

The need for wise elderhood in our current world of crisis cannot be overstated. In modern society, the value of elders has been diminished, along with their voices. The cultural narrative too often focuses on youth, and the value of experience and wisdom is overlooked. Many older adults have negative beliefs about aging, such as feeling that they are less valued or less capable as they get older.

The voices of our elders need to be reclaimed and supported. Most of us are well aware that ageing can come with significant life transitions such as retirement, changes in health, loss of sense of meaning and purpose in life, and loss of loved ones, and that these are often accompanied by emotional challenges such as grief, anxiety, or depression. We need to be reminded that the conscious elders of any community have developed a unique set of skills, knowledge, and wisdom about how to negotiate transitions, to develop resilience, and to deal with emotional and spiritual challenges, that can guide all of us towards a better future.

The elders are the ones who have lived through the ups and downs of life, accumulated a wealth of knowledge, and gained invaluable insights that can guide society through these challenging times. They possess a level of wisdom that can only be acquired through years of life experience, and it is this wisdom that is sorely needed by contemporary society, and perhaps most of all by young people, our future, whose world views are shaped by what they see modelled by the adults and elders around them.

I do believe that the United States has progressed in this area. In western Europe, where I live, it is time for us to finally acknowledge, not only the value of our elders, but to endeavour to grow into elderhood ourselves. As a psychotherapist, I’m acutely aware that it’s important that I become a conscious elder myself, in order to better support conscious aging in my clients.

We helpers, are in a unique position to model conscious aging for our clients by embodying the principles of conscious aging in our own lives. It is necessary for us to continue to grow and develop, not just as professionals, but as ageing human beings. Only when much greater numbers

of us value ourselves as elders, will humanity truly harness the power of wisdom to create a more just, equitable, and sustainable world for all.

Martina Breen, M.A. is a Gestalt Psychotherapist, Supervisor, Spiritual Director and a Certified Sage-ing Leader (CSLÒ) She works in private practice in Ireland and internationally facilitates programmes on conscious living, ageing and dying . She will be co-facilitating a Choosing Conscious Elderhood with Ron Pevny in Kiltegan, County Wicklow, Ireland September 11 – 17. There are three spaces still available. For retreat details, visit the Ireland retreat page.

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