Our Aliveness Is Our Gift To a World in Need

by Ron Pevny

“It’s 3:23 in the morning and I’m awake because my great great grandchildren won’t let me sleep. My great great grandchildren ask me in dreams ‘what did you do while the planet was plundered? What did you do while the earth was unraveling? Surely you did something when the seasons started failing? As mammals, reptiles and birds were all dying? Did you fill the streets with protest when democracy was stolen? What did you do once you knew?” Drew Dellinger in Hieroglyphic Stairway

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and then do it. What the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman, mid-1900s social justice advocate and theologian

I find these two quotes very powerful, reflecting two facets of key questions that cannot be evaded by we older adults as we consider what our place is in the world in which we are spending the final chapters of our lives. Both of these are questions that appear to not be meaningful to the majority of older adults in today’s non-indigenous world, yet are the existential questions whose answers and non-answers are determining our individual and collective wellbeing.

We who are committed to having our later years and the many opportunities they afford us be our time, in our one precious life, to focus on our growth, our deepest passions, and our role as the elders future generations so urgently need, are indeed carrying such questions through our days and nights. Yes, we do want pleasures and reduction of responsibilities after “retirement” age. But we know in our hearts and souls that we have not been given the gift, unique in known human history, of long lives merely so that we may focus on ourselves, our pleasures, our security. We are seeking a paradigm for the later chapters of our life’s journey that provides meaning and purpose—that can help us come ALIVE as we age in an interdependent world. In these times of crisis, the gifts and energies and aliveness of all the generations have important roles to play in supporting the wellbeing of our planet home and the human family, now and when our great great grandchildren are striving to thrive on this earth. At the same time, as a result of our long lives and commitment to growth, we have elder gifts to contribute that most younger people have not yet developed.

Drew Dellinger’s poetry is a powerful admonition to wake up from society’s denial, numbness and glorification of individualism and seek ways to play the role, encoded in each of our psyches, of true elders concerned with, and acting for, the generations that are following us. However, the reality is that a great many of us are paralyzed by overwhelm at the magnitude of the seemingly countless problems and crises and the belief that nothing we do can make much of a difference. So, why not live for ourselves and devote our energies to finding what pleasures we can, since we can’t know or impact the future anyway.

Many of us don’t see ourselves as social or environmental activists, demonstrating or being politically active in support of the values we profess. If you do feel so called to this important role, check out the Elders Action Network which seeks to merge social action and personal growth. As you do so, keep in mind this basic tenet of conscious eldering: growth seldom happens in our comfort zones.

This leads me to Thurman’s words, the most powerful quote I know illuminating the essence of conscious eldering. His words respond to Dellinger’s question, “What did you do when you knew?” We don’t have to become activists, even though that may be what we are called to. But our wellbeing depends upon us identifying and doing what brings us ALIVE. From one direction, ever-increasing scientific research is showing that having meaning and purpose that is bigger than ourselves is critical to our physical and emotional aliveness, wellbeing and longevity. From another direction, the world’s Wisdom Traditions have long taught that our total wellbeing, including our spiritual aliveness, is strongly connected to our having a purpose larger than ourself. Purpose is intrinsically connected to our aliveness.

Purpose is what feeds the life force within us. Purpose is what helps us see that our individual contributions, however insignificant they may seem, are interconnected with a larger PURPOSE that flows through all of humanity and supports healing and transformation amid dark times. Our individual lights may seem small, but our collective small lights are powerful in dispelling darkness.

Many of us don’t know the difference between pleasure and exhilaration, and true aliveness, and coming to understand that difference is central to conscious eldering. For me, writing and guiding retreats, although certainly at times physically and emotionally challenging, brings me a sense of satisfaction and aliveness that far surpasses temporary pleasures. That’s why I continue to do this work, while striving for the evolving balance conscious elders must find between serving and savoring, being and doing. Giving my gifts feeds my experience of wellbeing.

If there is a voice within you that says there is or must be some meaning in your life bigger than yourself, I encourage you to take time—lots of time perhaps—to reflect upon the quotes by Dellinger and Thurman. And to consider the possibility that the soul that came with you into this life carried with it qualities and gifts that define who you truly are and that your true wellbeing requires you to somehow give to the world in your elder years. And if you aren’t aware of ways you can shine your light, consider doing the following expliration, and then look for ways to use those qualities in support of your aliveness and your elder responsibility to shine your light in the darkness. And I again remind you that growth by definition requires stretching beyond our comfort zones.

  • Commit to somehow growing and giving each day, and reflect on what experiences bring you most alive
  • Engage in a life review in which you look at the arc of your life for qualities that you expressed when you felt the most alive or fulfilled, or felt like you were being your most authentic self.
  • Ask several people who have known you for many years to describe what they see as your most important personal, or “signature” gifts”—the qualities that somehow inspire them and make you the unique person that you are. If you were to die today, what qualities would they most remember and value?
  • Look at jobs you have had with an eye toward identifying positive personal qualities that you expressed that distinguished you from others with the same job description
  • Write a eulogy for yourself in which you enumerate, not what you have done, but those life-enhancing qualities that have been yours throughout your life.

I close with another quotation, this time from the Indian sage Rabindranath Tagore:

I slept and dreamt that life was joy
I awoke and saw that life was service I acted and behold, service was joy.

The world needs the gifts of conscious elders. It needs us to aim high for a conscious elderhood I which we shine our light as brightly as we can. In doing so, we can let future generations know that we cared. And when the time comes for this precious life to end, we can leave carrying the deep satisfaction of knowing that we used our gift of longevity to fulfill our soul’s purpose and potential.

 

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