By Barbara Roth
As women age, we may feel less relevant. Yet, despite what our culture portrays, we are more relevant than ever. We do not need to spend money on products or procedures to try and still look young. It doesn’t work! Our beauty and wisdom have developed from the inside and now shine through. This is the time to share our wisdom; mentoring and informally teaching the lessons others need; becoming the Sages of our time.
Conscious Eldering as defined in Ron Pevny’s book, Conscious Living Conscious Aging is a vision of aging that allows the elder to be conscious and delve more deeply into our souls. It was at a Choosing Conscious Elderhood retreat the week after I retired that my concept of ageing and retirement shifted drastically.
I was educated in human development focused on the life stages of child, youth and adult. I now know that there is a final stage in which the wise woman/crone emerges. Contemplation of personal life accomplishments happens at this stage. Knowledge morphs into wisdom. Synthesizing our experiences deepens our understandings. If we no longer work full time or are not raising children, we have time and emotional energy. Time for reflection, for feeling and thinking, and brain power for reading and studying as never before. We build on our awareness of what our families, communities and the world need from us and how we can help. We guide others (formally or informally) on their life paths.
We live in a patriarchy; women and men have differing experiences in their elder years. The “hero’s journey” is rarely about a female hero. Studies about older women’s spiritual journeys, the joys in their lives, the important roles they play in their families and communities or about the various advocacy efforts performed by older women are hard to find. If you search “women aging” it will be about physical health issues. I have health problems and necessarily know a lot about them. I am more curious about how I can grow spiritually and emotionally, how I can be a positive force for good in my community.
In folklore, a Crone is an old woman who may be characterized as disagreeable, malicious, or sinister, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructive. I am disagreeable sometimes (just ask my husband). My goal is to be wise, to be helpful to the world and to be conscious. The Crone is an archetypal figure, a Wise Woman. When ancient matriarchal cultures became patriarchies, Crone became a negative term. Women could no longer hold power.
As patriarchy began to arise after c.7000 BCE, women became increasingly under the dominion of men. When patriarchy became dominant, gray-haired high priestesses, once respected tribal matriarchs of pre-Christian Europe, were transformed into minions of the devil – witches. Through the Middle Ages this trend gathered momentum, finally developing a frenzy that legally murdered thousands of elder women from the twelfth to nineteenth centuries.
Western culture may love elderly women individually, in families and friends’ circles, but our wisdom is so often not appreciated. I feel honored and loved by my family, but in the broader world I am frequently invisible, primarily appreciated only by other elder women (there are exceptions – especially in the Conscious Eldering community).
In ancient cultures, the elder woman was viewed as a fount of wisdom, law, healing skills, and moral leadership; her presence and leadership were treasured. What would our current culture be like if wisdom, law, healing, and morality were sought from elder women? Maybe everything from race relations to environmental issues and war would be dealt with more humanely.
How do we learn to be wise elders in today’s world? The wisdom traditions teach us. My journey into old age may be typical of others. Before I became an elder, I believed the only path to meaning was through paid work. I feared aging, had no plan for how to deal with it, and had no idea that I would encounter the physical struggles I’ve had. At 65 when I attended that Conscious Eldering retreat, my life and attitude about the third act of my life radically changed. Just as it was designed to do, Choosing Conscious Elderhood was a rite of passage, helping me to start the process of shedding what I needed to shed, catch glimpses of the richness that life could now be, and develop practices that have continued to be crucial in this process. I have grown to love the slower pace and expanded sense of time this stage of life brings.
My life is enriched with deeper spiritual awareness, finding the mystical in the world. The more open I am, the less effortful seeking I do, the more serendipity and synchronicity come into my life. Just as I wonder how I might better support women in my community, a neighbor asks if I am interested in serving on a county women’s commission! When we stop focusing on the weaknesses of our body or mind, our spirit takes over. For many this leads to self-awareness, supporting our families and the human family, and working for justice. There are many examples of how to grow into an older woman with wisdom in our culture.
Painter Georgia O’Keeffe began losing her eyesight to macular degeneration when she was 80 and it was almost completely gone by the time she was 84. She continued to paint, sometimes with assistance. She continued to express herself through her art. My mother learned how to paint at age 70 and shortly after that began losing her sight to macular degeneration. She also persevered with her painting. My daughters and I all have her lovely art hanging in our homes today, reminding us of her strength and determination.
Many elder female authors have taught us a lot about aging. Margaret Atwood’s fiction shows us what has been, might be, and how to find our strength.
We are examples for those following behind us in this aging process. What will they learn from us? And how about those for whom we will become the ancestors? What will they glean from our last years on this earth? I hope to be remembered as a wise old crone who spread love, joy, magic, and wisdom.
Writing about our lives prepares us for the end and leaves a legacy. Writing my memoir has helped me to better know myself. I wish I knew more about my grandmothers’ and mother’s lives. No one may be interested in my memoir during my lifetime; I am sure that a generation or two down the road some will be glad to have it. I encourage every woman to leave this type of gift for your future generations. The stories of our lives have much to teach!
Old age is not an affliction, and we must be careful not to buy into the myth that it is. Slowing down allows us to become more grounded to stop simply speeding over the surface of our lives. 2 Even our physical changes have a lot to teach us, like patience with our bodies. It is the elders who are the makers of myth and culture for the next generations. Let’s own that honor.
Barbara Roth retired in 2018 from a career focused on child and youth development in local, state and national arenas. Since then, she has been on a conscious eldering journey which started with a weeklong Choosing Conscious Elderhood retreat at Ghost Ranch, New Mexico one week after retirement and has continued with participation in the Next Step program, writing articles for Conscious Eldering Inspiration and Resources newsletter, and doing the inner work that she teaches. Barb co-leads retreats at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico for the Center for Conscious Eldering. Barbara can be reached at barbaraanneroth@gmail.com
